


Journal of a Poor Boy

by Holmes



Category: Sherlock (very distantly)
Genre: First Time, Fluff, Journal Entries, M/M, Sex, Substance Abuse, Underage Drinking, baby Wills old journal entries from ninth year, but not really graphic sex, cute teenage awkwardness, just cute, there is sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-21 08:10:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1543787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holmes/pseuds/Holmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William Slane was not always the put-together, successful and dashing young redhead that Jim Moriarty managed to fall in love with. He had awkward teen years just like the rest of us. And, as much as he'd like to put them behind him, Jim takes a keen interest in the man's journal recounting his fifteen-year-old life. These are his journal entries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New School

**Author's Note:**

  * For [folkinround](https://archiveofourown.org/users/folkinround/gifts).



> This entire thing is a result of a now ridiculously-elaborate RP I've had going with the lovely folkinround for about two years, now. Will Slane is perhaps our most beloved OC and I initially wanted to make this post as a way to just keep track of his ninth year journal entries, but I've tried to make it as outsider-friendly as I could! Enjoy!

 

 

_Today is my first day of high school. Da says I'm a man now, and though I know that that's not true, it makes me proud anyways. I hope my classes are more challenging now. Mum says she misses me, but she's so happy that I'm finally where I belong, in a private school that will help me get into a good uni._

_I don't really care about that, now. But I suppose a free ride to one of England's best schools is as good a start as I can get._

_It's rainy and cold today. I'll let you know how things go after I get back home._

 

* * *

___Today SUCKED._ _ _

 

_Everyone in my classes already seem to know one another, making me an oddity. They all went to a primary school called Dalton's or something. Bunch of rich snobs. One of them even called me 'poor boy'! If the name sticks, I don't know what I'll do._

_I wish we were rich._

_The worst thing was, we didn't even learn anything today. We just went over syllabi in every class. I can already tell just by looking at course outlines that I know how to do everything we're set to learn in Algebra II this year. I'm going to ask my counselor if I can be put in a higher-level maths. Screw this._

_English looks promising._

 

* * *

_Day three of ninth year._

 

_I'm getting used to being alone. No one talks to me but they haven't started picking on me yet, either. They call me Poor Boy, but it's not in a mean way, yet. Just stupid curiosity. Most of these fools have never seen someone coming from a middle-class family before._

_I am looked at, but not spoken to._

_Whatever. I have plenty of friends to write to. Connor says that he'll be taking the train in from Dublin this summer to stay with some relatives! He's going to stay with us for a month, I hope._

_I start a higher level maths tomorrow. Pre-calculus._

 

* * *

_I don't know if anyone knows my real name._

 

 

_I keep telling everyone it's Will, but most of the students seem to be using their craniums as a change purse, because none of them have a brain, that's for sure._

_As such, they can't remember my four-letter name. I am Poor Boy._

_Pre-calc will be fun this year, I can tell. I sit next to a boy named Xavier. Sounds as snobbish as they come, but he seems kind of cool. He asked me in class today if I was Poor Boy._

_"Yeah that's me," I said._

_" The Poor Boy?" he asked._

_"Look, I'm not even that poor, alright? We're middle class," I told him. I mean, by now this was getting really frustrating. My parents work hard. We're really comfortable!_

_"Oh," he said. He looked really confused, like he didn't even know what that was. I thought he was just another really stupid prep kid who went to Dalton's, but then he offered me his hand and introduced himself as Xavier._

_"That's a stupid name," I told him._

_"People call me X," he said._

_"That's a bit cooler," I said._

_"What's your name, then?" he asked._

_I was a bit surprised at that. I've been here nearly a week and no one had asked my name._

_"Will," I said._

_"William?" he asked._

_"NO!" The teacher glared at me. I lowered my voice._

_"Not William," I told him. "Just Will."_

_"Okay, Will. Want to study after class today?" is what he said._

_I said yes._

_I think I like X._

 

* * *

___X and I did our homework together on the grounds yesterday. He seems to have lots of friends. Lots of people said hi to him on their way past. Even girls._ _ _

 

_A couple people looked at me funny, but mostly they just ignored me. I think everyone thought that X was helping me with maths but it's funny because I was mostly helping him even though he's a tenth year and I'm only ninth. X likes maths a lot because he says he finds his name in the problems all the time. I thought that was pretty hilarious; I was laughing about it all day. Now every time I solve for x, I think of X._

 

* * *

___Today I met a bastard named Wesley._ _ _

 

_Wesley is as dumb as his parents are rich. He plays rugby but he isn't captain or anything. He probably will be in a couple years though, when he's in eleventh or twelfth year._

_But for now he's just a tenth year bastard._

_Wesley is the black spot of my english class. He's so stupid that he's taking the ninth year course even though half of his classmates are two levels higher than him. He doesn't like me because he gets all the answers wrong in class but won't stop blurting them out because he's too used to getting his way._

_He get's mad when I correct him and he doesn't like the way the teacher fawns over me._

_He slapped my books out of my hands today, sending them all to the ground. I got really upset because if we ruin the books we have to buy them and they're a lot of money. Lots of students just buy their own textbooks so they don't have to use old, gross-looking ones but obviously I can't do that so I have old books. Wesley laughed at me as I went to go pick my books up._

  
_"Just have your parents buy you a fresh set," he sneered. "Oh! That's right. You can't--because you're poor. _ _See you later, Poor Boy."_

_What a fucking bastard._

_Father said he didn't want any trouble from me at my new school, but I don't know how I'll fare if Wesley sticks around. X says not to pay him any mind, that a kid as stupid as Wesley will lose interest if I just ignore him. I told X that it was easy for him to say, being just as rich as everyone else._

_I think I made X mad. Now I'm angry at Wesley and sad that X isn't here. I feel awfully alone._

 

* * *

_Today was a great day._

 

_Wesley has been throwing coins at me for a week now. He's probably thrown me twenty quid by now and I want so badly to pick it up, but I know I can't, and I haven't._

_Until today._

_I had gotten truly fed up today as Wesley threw coin after coin in my direction, and I figured it was time for a little payback. Finally after class I scooped up as many as I could, stuffing them in my pockets in plain view of Wesley. I knew he was watching. He was bloody tickled about it, too. Before he could harass me, I took up my books and darted out of the class. I began to run. English was my last class today so I began to cut across the field outside toward my dormitory, my pockets jingling with hateful change. Just as Wesley followed me outside where there were no teachers around (I knew he would), I stopped, turned, and began to throw all his change back at him as hard as I could. He began to scream like a baby! Turns out, I had gotten one in his eye, and he really had a fit. Once I ran out of change he charged at me._

_I really felt the rugby practice behind the force as he tackled me to the ground. He turned me over onto my back and punched me in the eye and nose. It hurt REALLY bad. Holy shit._

_"You like that, Poor Boy?" he had hissed._

_But then X came in out of nowhere!_

_I didn't know it was X at first. I just knew someone was tugging that bastard Wesley off of me and I thought it was a teacher but it turns out it was X which was perhaps even better. I've never seen X so...I don't know. Angry. Ferocious. Terrifying._

_I liked it._

_X plays football, but you'd think a rugby bastard would be able to beat up a brainy football geek._

_Nope!_

_X is super strong and kicked the living crap out of Wesley until he went crying to the teacher! He scooped me up quickly and took me off in a different direction, toward his dorms._

_I'd never been in X's room before, but I liked it. Lots of the boys on campus who's rooms I'd seen were decked out with unnecessary shit. Televisions and videogame consoles and even fancy coffeemakers._

_X's room looked kind of like mine. He had a football, posters on his wall, and lots of books. He has his own room, unlike some boys (me) who have to share._

_Anyways, X takes out this first aid kit from beneath his bed and begins cleaning me up. I was sitting on the edge of his bed, and it was so comfy I wanted to lay down and sleep in it. It hurt a lot when he cleaned me up but my nose wasn't broken and I might have a cool bruise or two tomorrow! Then X did something weird--he got all sad looking and told me I shouldn't have riled Wesley up._

_Of course, that just got me all riled up. I told X that Wesley had been bothering me for weeks and weeks now and it wasn't getting any better. It's hard, I told him!!! Wesley is a bastard and he calls me Poor Boy and he'd been throwing coins at me for a week! I got really upset. Maybe it was the adrenaline wearing off but my voice was shaking real hard and suddenly X just looked so sad he couldn't take it anymore and he hugged me._

_I was really surprised but then I just...hugged him back._

_Now my nose hurts and my eye is swelling a bit and I'm having trouble reading my homework. But today was a great day anyways. X ended up getting in trouble but not me. X apparently gets in trouble a lot. He's going to be in detention for two days, though, so I won't get to do maths with him for two days and I'm going to miss him._

 

* * *

_I know now why I was never content,_

 

_For I'd never known what true love meant._

_And now I can only dearly hope,_

_That I can catch him in my rope._

_In maths--my grades, they still excel_

_But I wouldn't say I listen well._

_My football king, my calculus knight,_

_All too willing to step into a fight._

_It is clear now that I've been vexed,_

_My heart's been stolen by a boy named X._

 

* * *

_Okay, I admit it._

 

_I love X!_

_He's handsome and nearly the tallest boy in his year and he's amazing at football and better than me in chemistry!_

_I even like his bum, which is something I'd always heard about and never quite understood but I think I understand it now. Sometimes I really have to stop myself from staring at it._

_And he's so nice to me. He:_

  * _Laughs at my jokes_
  * _Smiles at me_
  * _Talks to me in class even though he knows we both get detention for it_
  * _Talks to me in detention_
  * _Says I'm smart_
  * _Saves a spot for me at lunch_
  * _Likes my room_
  * _Likes my music_



_He's even talked about inviting me to his summer estate for a couple weeks! He says he "couldn't bear" to not see me for the holiday. Couldn't bear it!!!! Can you believe it?? I can't!_

_The only problem is that I don't know if X likes boys. But he hasn't had a girlfriend at all in his ninth or tenth year, so maybe, right?_

_I think it's about time for me to get a boyfriend. I want to have my first kiss, too. Sometimes I see twelfth year couples snogging in the hallway and it's gross but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to try it. Just not in the hallway. That doesn't seem romantic, in front of everyone. It's a status thing, not a love thing._

_No, I want to kiss someone. But not in the hallway--maybe my room, or X's room. His bed is comfy. Maybe on his bed._

_X. X. X. x. xxxxx X! XX_

 


	2. New Friends

 

_Today was the worst day ever._

_Out of nowhere._

_NOWHERE._

_X got a girlfriend._

_The only hint was that he was acting weird at lunch. He wasn't talking as much and he didn't laugh once. I thought he was getting sick or something._

_Turns out some lass asked him out the class before--a pretty eleventh year who I don't even know. Megan, is her name._

_She's got long blonde hair and freckles and she's tall. She plays football too, for the girls team. She's captain._

_I feel like shit. This is the worst. X came to my dorm this afternoon and told me all about it. Their first date is tomorrow. He's nervous. This is his first time dating anyone, he says. She's beautiful, he says._

_I hate her._

_I never heard X talk about her ONCE! Suddenly he's smitten with her? Or at least he just wants to start acting like the other cool kids in tenth year._

_Bloody hell. I'm so mad._

_Once X left I closed my door and went to the bathroom. I took a shower and cried a bit. I think I might go pick a fight with Wesley tomorrow._

 

* * *

___I picked a fight with Wesley today._ _ _

 

_It probably wasn't my best idea._

_He was happy to oblige my non-verbal invitations to a fight, and quickly pummeled the living hell out of me._

_I really should take up martial arts, I figure._

_X wasn't there to save me this time, which was sad on a deeper level than I could've thought. I sat in the nurse's office with a much deeper ache than some gauze could heal. As I waited with a wad of paper towels held to my nose to stem the flow of blood, a boy came in after me at sat down beside me. He was big. He looked me up and down and asked what had happened to me._

_I picked a fight with Wesley._

_I know Wesley._

_You do?_

_Yeah. He's a bastard, isn't he?_

_I thought I could like this stranger. He was tall with brown hair and he had a split lip and kept sucking the blood off instead of putting a paper towel to it. His mouth must've tasted like iron._

_Turns out he was a twelfth year named George. He was on the rugby team, too. He asked me if I wanted to eat dinner with him tonight. I said yes._

_I think he might be gay._

 

* * *

_I ate with George last night. It was...interesting._

_George is a bit of a trouble maker. Not because he's stupid but because he just doesn't care. His boyfriend dumped him recently and he's going through a reckless streak, he told me. That made me blush a little for some reason and he started teasing me for it. I asked him if this was a date, and he asked me if I wanted it to be._

_I thought about X and Megan and how they were probably on a date right now._

_I said yes._

_So now I think George and I are a thing._

_It's taken everyone a bit by surprise--little, ninth year Poor Boy and rugby captain George. Supposedly he's richer than rich._

_He's a bit scary but I sort of like it._

_We're going to hang out again tomorrow after class._

_X hasn't talked to me outside of class in two days now._

 

* * *

_George took me out today!_

_George is old enough to drive and he has a really nice car. He took me off campus for the first time to the shops nearby. He told me to buy whatever I wanted, said that he didn't like people calling me Poor Boy and he wanted to get me some nice things. That made me feel a bit weird. I didn't want a television in my room, or anything like that, so I just bought a bunch of non-uniform clothes. He even gave his input as I tried things on. It was fun! He spent over a hundred quid on me today like it was nothing, and then when we got back in his car, he gave me a surprise--a really nice watch! It must have cost him more than two hundred pounds!_

_I nearly had a heart attack._

_George thought it was funny. He called me his sugar baby, which was a bit weird but I have to say I like having nice clothes._

_When he dropped me back to my dorm he kissed me._

_It was kind of unexpected and even a bit scary. He's a really good kisser, which means he's probably done it lots before. He laughed in his peculiar, giddy way and told me he was going to teach me how to do a proper snog soon._

_I guess I wasn't that good._

_I thought my first kiss was going to be a lot more...I dunno, magical. I guess that's just little kid stuff._

_I'm just happy that George is going to teach me. I hope he buys me more clothes._

_Poor Boy and George._

_Has an okay ring to it, doesn't it?_

_I still haven't heard much from X yet. I guess he and Megan are doing pretty good._

_According to my new watch it is 11:56, which means I should be going to bed, now. I'll let you know what a proper snog is like when I figure out._

 

* * *

_X was acting really weird in class today. He looked at me funny when I walked in and only nodded when I said hello to him. He was really quiet all through class, and I'm certain that Professor Swadlow liked it, but I certainly didn't. I was feeling miserable and wondering if I would have to pull X aside after class, but he beat me to the punch. Once the bell rang, he asked if he could speak with me in private out in the hallway._

_Apparently he'd heard rumours that George and I were together. I said yeah, we were._

_"And you don't think that's a bad idea?" he asked._

_"Why would I?" I said._

_"Well for one thing, George was a fucking twelfth year and you're only fourteen."_

_"I'll be fifteen next week!" I told him. He knew that._

_"And for another thing," he went on. "Stepping out with him is you coming out. Everyone knows you're gay now. No one's giving you shit for it now because you're dating a wealthy maniac who'll beat anyone into tomorrow. But as soon as you two split you'll be in for hell."_

_That was kind of scary. I'd never thought of that. But I was so mad and X was so mad that I wasn't even scared at the time._

_"Why do you even care!" I shouted at him. "We haven't hung out in a week! You're too busy snogging Megan to even think of me, anymore!"_

_That sort of took X aback, and for a moment he almost looked like he felt bad. I thought we were actually going to have a good talk but then George came up and put his arm around me. He glared at X._

_"Everything alright, Poor Boy?" he asked me._

_"I thought you didn't like the name Poor Boy," I said quietly._

_"I don't like it when other people call you Poor Boy," George said. I felt embarrassed. I don't know why. Maybe it was because X called Megan 'Baby' but to George I'm still just Poor Boy._

_Anyways, George stared at X, and X took on such a hateful face. I could tell it surprised George. I thought maybe George might start something, so I tugged at him gently._

_"C'mon, it's fine," I told him. "Lets go have lunch."_

_"Okay," George said. "I'll take you out. My treat."_

_He said it meanly. Like it was a threat to X or something._

_"Take care, X," George spat. He turned, pulling me along with him. "C'mon, Poor Boy."_

_I looked back toward X, and he looked angry and sad at the same time._

_"Bye, Will," he said._

 

* * *

_I haven't talked to X in a really long time._

_We look at each other a lot. With sad faces. This is stupid. Why aren't we talking? I should probably talk to him soon. Sometimes I see him and Megan arguing in the hall. George and I don't really have much to argue about. Now we're the ones snogging in the hallways, and no one bothers us even though we're boys because George is a beast. It's a bit fun, in a way. You can tell that Wesley wants to wail on my so badly. His face is so red whenever he's around me, just ready to pop with nasty words and mean-spiritedness. Bastard. He hasn't said one unkind word to me since I got together with George. He's his captain, after all._

_So that's the plus side to George._

_He also buys me lots of things, has weird connections that I wouldn't normally guess at, and I get to try to make X jealous._

_Not that he'd be jealous. Because we were only ever friends, and all._

_Now I snog with George in the halls not because we're in love but because we're both showing off our status. I managed to hook a twelfth year rugby captain who's quite possibly the richest boy in the school. Meanwhile George gets to fulfill his weird rich boy daredevil lifestyle, dating too-young, uncouth, middle-class rogues who never went to Dalton's and has not a single politician in my family._

_George takes me out in his fancy sports car nearly every day for lunch. We go to restaurants and cafés and that's my favourite. We also go to fast food places, which is George's favourite._

_Yesterday George took me out to the café that he knows I love the most. It was really nice of him. We had fun shooting spitballs at other customers when no one was looking. We ordered two meals each because we couldn't decide what we wanted, and we ended up laughing and throwing food at each other. We even ordered dessert and coffee and I felt so old and elegant because that's what glamourous people do. When I pointed out with my new watch that we were going to be late if we didn't leave, George shrugged and said he was going to skip. And, since George is my ride, that meant that I was skipping too, I guess. We really were hell today._

_We spent another hour at the restaurant before finally leaving and just wandering around town. George said he needed more cigarettes (which was weird because I didn't know he smoked) and he pulled me into a package store._

_It was dusty inside, but George seemed to know the man behind the desk. I walked with him, going down the rows, staring at the hundreds of bottles on every shelf._

_They were pretty._

_I didn't know what any of them tasted like. I'd never had alcohol before, but when George asked me what I drank I told him I was a Guinness man. I knew what Guinness was._

_You're Irish as hell, Poor Boy, you know that?_

_Yeah, I said. I know._

_Turns out George was talking about hard liquor, and I told him I'd never had any of that. He smiled and grabbed two different bottles off the shelf. Vodka and gin. He took them both up to the front desk and paid for it. They didn't even ask him for an ID._

_We went back to campus but instead of going back to class we just went to George's room._

_George's room is big and full of everything you could possibly want. He's got his own bathroom, and even a fridge._

_We giggled as we smuggled two huge bottles of liquor into his room, and he locked the door behind him so no one would come in. He put the gin in the fridge alongside several more bottles of alcohol and took out four shot glasses._

_I don't really drink, I told George. All embarrassed like._

_You do now, Poor Boy, he said. Everyone's gotta learn sometime. It's fun._

_I don't know._

_You're Irish, c'mon._

_It wasn't really a question. He began pouring. Four shots in front of him._

_Just two shots, he said. And then I'll give you a Guinness._

_I began to feel weird so I just did it. I smiled as I pinched the tiny cup between my fingers and drank it all at once._

_God, it tasted awful._

_It burned all the way down, and tasted disgusting. I couldn't believe that people drank this for fun. I began coughing and George laughed and offered me a bottle of Guinness, fresh outta the fridge. It almost tasted worse._

_Almost._

_I washed the vodka out of my mouth and George let me get over it for a couple minutes before pressing the second one on me. Said it was already poured so I couldn't baby out now. That seemed fair._

_The second shot might've been even worse, just because I knew what was coming. I washed it down quickly with the Guinness again and George smiled proudly at me. Said I was a natural, and it must be those tough, poor boy genes I got. That made me feel proud, and I even took one more just to show him I could. Didn't even choke._

_After that we sat on his couch and played video games. I was really good at them, but soon enough George was beating me every time, within thirty seconds. He laughed at me and told me I was drunk, and apparently that was why I sucked._

_I just laughed and laughed. Everything was funny and I loved George and I loved Guinness and even vodka. I wanted to keep playing but George says it wasn't any fun to keep beating my arse. That made me laugh more. I laughed so much that I made George laugh nearly just as hard. The only way he could shut me up was by kissing me._

_We began to really snog. I've gotten a lot better. The trick is to not use your tongue as much. Only a little bit. Snogging is a bit weird and I don't know if I like it but George likes to snog so we do it in the hallways. Only now we were on his couch, and I was drunk for the first time and suddenly George pulls away. I was really confused because he wasn't laughing anymore and I thought he was upset with me because he had a weird look on his face. But then he moved down and bit on my neck._

_Wow._

_Just thinking about it now makes me...um...yeah._

_I can't think about it in class, is what I mean._

_But I like being bit on the neck._

_I don't know if it was because it was the first time I was ever bit on the neck or because I was drunk, but I actually moaned. I couldn't even help it. It was weird._

_And it also seemed to excite George a little._

_Suddenly he was on top of me and sucking on my neck and tugging at my clothes. He was sucking really hard. It hurt and I groaned but he thought it was an 'I like it' groan and he sucked harder. Then I yelped and he stopped and moved to the other side of my neck. He lifted my shirt up and off and then his shirt up and off. He had lots of bruises and scrapes from rugby and I liked it._

_By now I had an erection and that was kind of scary because usually I'd just go wank it but now George was here and I wasn't sure if he was going to wank it or not. I could feel that he had one too and I couldn't tell but it felt bigger than mine and it was a little scary._

_Finally George stuck his hand down my pants and I was almost relieved to get it over with, only instead of grabbing my erection he moved right down and brushed his finger over my bum and it scared the living hell out of me. I was so scared that if his finger had been in my arse I might've crushed it off. Jesus Christ. He chuckled and tried to calm me down but it was too late and I was too scared and I began to push his hand out of my pants. I told him to let me go and I was really scared because he's captain of the rugby team and if he wanted to stick his finger in my arse he really could and I wouldn't be able to stop him._

_Luckily George looked too stunned to know what to do. I think I might've been the first person to tell him no._

_I got the hell out of there as quickly as I could and I ran all the way back to my dorm. Luckily my roommate plays cricket after class on Tuesdays and I was alone to write and cry by myself._

 


	3. Party

_George and I haven't talked all day._

_I think he must still be thinking about how he wants to react after yesterday, because he hasn't texted or called me at all. He didn't even come to school today. Usually he skips, but it's unusual that he doesn't even pop in to say hi to everyone._

_It's a bit weird and admittedly a little unnerving. No one's ever seen George angry except on the rugby field. I hope he's not angry at me now._

_I smiled at X today in maths. Not a real smile, though. One of those sad smiles that don't even try to be happy but sort of fit into the category of one anyways just because of the shape of your lips. Regular smiles say 'hi!' but this smile ran more along the lines of 'I'm sad and I miss you'. He gave me one back._

_I felt like I ought to talk to him after class, but I also felt like that should be his job since he sort of started this whole thing when he ignored me for Megan. Now I don't really have X and I don't really have George and all my other friends are only acquaintances so I just feel kind of alone._

_As soon as the bell rang after maths, X was gone._

_Something kind of fun did happen today, though._

_When I got back to my dorm after English, I saw that someone had slipped an invitation under our door!_

_At first I thought it was just for my roommate, but then I saw that it was addressed to 'Poor Boy'. Turns out a girl named Yvonne is throwing a big party and only the richest and most popular students have been invited. I figure I was invited because I'm dating George. But an invitation is an invitation!_

_It's going to be at Yvonne's father's mansion a short ways off campus, by the water. Supposedly there will even be alcohol served! Fancy champagne and all that._

_I'll be skipping the drinking, I think._

_I really want to ask X if he's going. I'm sure he's been invited but I don't know if he'd go. He's sort of iffy about things like that. Some days he thinks they're stupid and other days he knows it's stupid but he also knows it's important to have fun. I want to ask him so bad but I just have to wait and see, I think. It'd be weird to ask him now._

_George messaged me late last night after I'd put my journal away and went to sleep. My computer made a noise and I was having trouble sleeping so I got up and checked. This is our conversation word for word:_

_hey, PB. GG_

_Hi. WS_

_sorry about yesterday. GG_

_That was scary. WS_

_i know. it was 2 early. sometimes i forget youre only 14. GG_

_I'm 15 now. WS_

_right. GG_

_is there any way i can make it up to you, PB? GG_

_I'm not mad. WS_

_I don't think I want to date you anymore, though. WS_

_what! GG_

_I'm sorry! WS_

_let me try to make it up to you, PB. c'mon. let me buy you something really nice. GG_

_I don't want a sugar daddy, George. I like hanging out with you but I didn't like what happened the other day. It made me think that we might be better off as friends. WS_

_I almost thought George had fallen asleep or something, he was quiet for so long. Finally, after about five minutes, he responded._

_can we just wait and see? GG_

_See what? It's still going to feel weird when I see you again. WS_

_did you get an invite to Yvonne's party? GG_

_Yeah. WS._

_r u going? GG_

_Yeah. Just because I like parties. WS_

_that's my PB. GG_

_i'll see you there, ok? GG_

_Aren't you going to be in class tomorrow or Friday? WS_

_nah. i'll see you at the party. u need a ride? GG_

_No thank you. WS_

_I logged off before he could reply. I actually didn't have a ride, but I also didn't want to get one from George. I'll figure it out later, I guess._

 

* * *

_True to his word, George was nowhere to be seen on Thursday or Friday, leaving me feeling pretty lonely. You don't realize how few friends you have until you and your boyfriend go through a rough patch and suddenly you realize you have exactly zero people that you can talk to about it. It's all a bit discouraging, considering that George has a thousand friends and I'm still just Poor Boy to everybody._

_Anyways, I'm still not sure if I'm thankful or not for the loneliness. On the one hand, I don't have anyone to talk to, but at least I don't have George to talk to, as well._

_It's made me all a bit nervous for tonight. I hope George lets me break up with him tonight. I feel bad doing it at a party but he wouldn't let me do it the other night so I don't know what to do._

_I hope X is there._

_I'm getting ready, now. I'll be wearing my nicest clothes--the ones George bought me. I'm hitching a ride with the quiet boy in the dorm next to me. He's kind of weird but his father does business with Yvonne's father, so he's invited._

_Wealth is weird._

_Anyways, I'll let you know how it goes!_

 

* * *

_I'd never been to a rich person party before._

_Right from the start it was impressive._

_Yvonne's dad is apparently filthy with money. Their mansion was huge and on the most beautiful grounds you could imagine. The night was crisp and clear and you could see all the stars and the moon reflecting off of the water in the backyard. It was breathtaking._

_I started out feeling a bit awkward. Me and the boy next to my dorm (Timothy is his name) got there at nine, which was the specified time for the party._

_Unfortunately, we both forgot that cool people show up late to parties, so we were the only ones there for a while. Even Yvonne hadn't showed up yet, and it was just us and the butlers offering us food and champagne._

_Oh yeah. There was alcohol, alright._

_TONS of it._

_Besides the hundreds of bottles of champagne on display, there was an open bar set up. Timothy and I kind of had fun. We ordered shirley temples from the open bar and talked about schoolwork until everyone else began to show up. He's nice enough._

_As more people began to show, the giant entrance hall quickly grew crowded. It was kind of an awful time. I didn't know anyone and I hadn't found X or George, so I just wandered the place so I wouldn't have to stay still and realize I had no one to talk to. I really didn't belong there._

_Eventually the lights turned down and the music went up. Everyone was having a blast and I felt so lonely that I went right to the open bar and asked for a shot of vodka. Just as I was downing it, George found me._

_"Poor Boy!" he cried. He seemed really happy to see me. He came right up to me and threw an arm around me. "Oh my god, Poor Boy. Look at you! Just like I taught you, eh?"_

_"Hi George," I said. I looked at him funny. He already smelled like vodka. "How long have you been here?"_

_"Me? Oh, only five minutes or so," he said casually._

_"Really?" I said. "You've been drinking, though."_

_"Oh, I was pre-gaming," he explained._

_"Oh," I said. I slid away from the bar and tried to make an escape, and I thankfully managed to lose him in that big crowd of people._

 

* * *

_I wandered a bit more through swaths of rich kids drunk off of expensive champagne. It wasn't very fun, but I couldn't help but want to keep circling and searching for X._

_Finally I figured he wasn't coming, and I went outside to get some fresh air. I walked out onto the back...well it wasn't really a_ _porch. More like a marble platform with elegant fairy lights all strung up. It was beautiful. I walked down off the back platform, past couples snogging in the shadows under the moon, past the gazebos with even more couples in them. _

_I wanted to see the water._

_I walked way down to the edge of the lawn. It was even a bit scary because it was a large lawn and it was dark all around and no one was out that far, but I was also happy to be alone._

_Once I got to the edge of the lawn, there was a bunch of rocks leading smoothly down to the water, and I climbed my way easily down._

_From there, I stared up at the stars, listening to the sounds of the party in the distance. I felt like I was finally able to think clearly._

_Overall, I really liked my school. It was a great opportunity for me and I was learning things I'd never have learned back home. I'd had my first kiss and my first boyfriend here, and even if it wasn't perfect, it was my life now. My memories. I'll look back on this when I'm an old man and laugh about it, I hope_ _._

_Anyways, I was staring up at the stars for who knows how long. My head felt really nice from that quick shot. Not enough to get me drunk, but enough to keep me worry-free. I traced constellations for a while. My heart sped up when I heard a noise, like someone joining me. I nearly leaped out of my skin when I turned to the sound and realized it was a lot closer than I thought. A dark figure was joining me, but even before they turned their face to the moon and let its rays illuminate their features, I could tell that it was X._

_I didn't move or say anything as he crawled down to where I sat on the rocks. He seated himself beside me and we stared at the stars together for a long time._

_"Hi Will," he finally said. His voice was quiet and thoughtful._

_"Hi X," I replied._

_The whole conversation pretty much went like this:_

_X: I miss you._

_Me: I miss you too._

_X: How're you and George?_

_Me: It sucks. How're you and Megan?_

_X: It sucks._

_Me: Do you want to be friends again, X?_

_X: Yes, please._

_It really did go like that, just about! Sometimes you don't need a lot of words between real friends, though. From there, we stared up at the stars again, but this time it was more comfortable. We actually climbed up to the grass at the edge of the lawn because it was more comfortable for laying, and as we stared up at the sky together, I did something brave and I put my hand into X's. He laced our fingers and I squeezed his hand and he squeezed mine back._

_I love X._

 

* * *

_So X and I are friends again, now._

_We stayed out there a really long time, staring at the stars and talking about how much we missed each other and how shitty our relationships turned out to be. Apparently Megan had just broken up with X inside because he didn't want to dance and I guess it was the final straw. I told X that I was trying to break up with George but he wasn't really letting me._

_"That's mad," X had said. "He can't force you to date him."_

_"Well I still have the rest of the night to try," I said._

_To be honest I was kind of scared and not wanting to talk to George again, so when X asked me if I wanted some help I said yeah._

_We got up and let our hands fall back to our side. No more hand holding. Man._

_We walked back to the mansion and searched for George. It wasn't that difficult to find him because he's so big and loud._

_He was quite drunk by now and dancing on the floor, but as soon as he saw us he moved to the edge of the room to meet us._

_"HI POOR BOY," he screamed. It was very loud in that room by now._

_"Hi George," I said._

_"WHAT?"_

_"HI GEORGE." X sniggered as he stood beside me. I knew he'd be cracking jokes about this later. What an arse. I love him._

_"DO YOU WANNA DANCE, PB?"_

_"NO THANK YOU."_

_"WHY'D YOU FIND ME THEN, BABY? C'MON!"_

_He began to tug at my arm and I got annoyed and tugged back but then George got annoyed and George was drunk so his hand got really tight and he gave me a good yank and I stumbled a lot and almost fell and so X punched George in the jaw._

_It was really scary and I don't remember much of what happened next but then George and X were on the ground fighting like dogs and I was upset with both of them but mostly worried about X because George is rugby captain._

_Luckily rugby captains aren't very good fighters when they're terribly drunk._

_Me and a couple other boys managed to pull George and X apart, and I grabbed X by the hand and pulled him really hard so we could run away before anything worse happened. We began to carve a path through the crowd of drunk people. I hated all these drunk, rich bastards, and it felt nice to elbow and shove them out of the way. Even X was giggling. I stole a bottle of champagne by the door without even thinking and we ran out into the night, laughing and howling like mad._

_It was the best party._

 

* * *

_X and I took our stolen champagne and started walking back to campus. It was only a half-hour walk. It took us over two hours because it was nighttime and beautiful out and we were talking and laughing again and drinking stolen champagne. I couldn't help but think that every bottle was probably worth eight hundred quid and that this was the most expensive thing I've ever consumed. It wasn't like the vodka or the Guinness; it was delicious._

_I liked the taste of it on my tongue, and I actually really enjoyed drinking for the first time. It wasn't scary with X. I knew he was looking out for me, and not pressuring me or anything at all like George had._

_X was bleeding a bit from his fight with George, but it wasn't a lot and he ended up being perfectly fine. He's really tough._

_We talked about school and life and stupid parties and how bloody fun this one turned out to be. I told him I was glad he was my friend again, and he turned to me with a weird sort of look._

_" Are you glad we're friends?" he asked._

_"Of course," I said to him. "You're the best friend a guy could want." He almost looked a bit sad and I was really confused because I didn't understand it at the time but now I realize he was probably hoping that I'd say I like him as more than a friend, too. I wish I'd said it there._

_It was quiet for a while and we just stared at the stars and walked along the side of the road, which was very quiet. There were no cars and every time an animal snapped a twig or something we'd either laugh about it or hurry along because it was a bit scary._

_I'm actually surprised we managed to make it home because we ended up drinking every last drop of that champagne and I really wish I'd kept the bottle to remember that night but I just tossed it in the woods like an idiot._ ("I actually found the cork to the bottle two days later in my pocket," Will added here with a grin. "I still have it, actually.")

_As we got back onto campus I couldn't help but realize how beautiful it looked, all lit up at night, with no one around because they were at Yvonne's party._

_X and I both started to feel weird at the same time. We were kind of drunk and didn't want to say goodbye to each other yet, so we wandered around campus for another half hour and we even held hands!_

_Finally, as we were both lamenting having to leave each other for the night, X suggested that I sleep over with him and I thought it was a fantastic idea._

_We were so excited that we ran back to his dorm, giggling and happy._

_We snuck into X's dormitory building around two in the morning, being as quiet as we could because if they caught us, drunk as we were, we'd be in a lot of trouble._

_Once we went into X's room he locked the door quickly and for a moment I was afraid because George locked the door quickly when I went into his room too. I think X noticed me stiffen because he started looking at me all concerned._

_"What's wrong?" he said._

_"Everyone's always locking me in their room," I said. I guess my voice was shaking because suddenly X came up to me and hugged me with a sad look on his face and I think he knew what I meant._

_"I'm not gonna do anything, Will," he said. His voice was so nice and quiet. I believed him. "You take my bed okay?" he said. "I'll sleep on the floor."_

_"No," I said. His bed was big enough for the both of us, and I pulled off my trousers and my nice shirt that George had bought me and climbed into bed. It was the most comfortable thing I'd ever felt in my whole life and when I was finished appreciating it for several happy seconds I invited him, too. X seemed to blush a little bit and I remember that very well. He got undressed but kept his pants on and then pulled on a pair of pyjama trousers. He climbed into bed beside me and that was the first time I'd slept beside someone else and I liked that a lot. X's skin felt smooth and nice and he was really warm. X climbed into bed and asked me if I was sad to be breaking up with George and I said no and I asked him if he was sad about Megan and he said no. Then he asked me if I liked anyone and I said yes and he asked if it was him and I said yes. My heart was beating really fast now. I asked him if he liked me and he said yes and then I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend._

_And he said yes!_

_I was really excited and I hugged him close and he hugged me close and we were so excited and drunk and happy!_ _Everything smelled like X--like champagne and shampoo and freshly-laundered, turf-stained uniforms. We hugged each other until we fell asleep._

_In the morning we both felt kind of awful but we laughed about it and agreed that it was a great time. I asked him if he was still my boyfriend and he flushed and said yeah and that was that._

 


	4. First Time

 

_After I woke up with X, he gave me a pair of jeans to change into and a tee shirt. They fit me well enough that no one could really tell they were X's clothes. And even though we didn't do anything last night, it still felt a little scandalous and we were giggling about it all the way to the dining hall. We even held hands._

_It was Saturday morning so no one was out yet and we practically had the dining hall to ourselves. It really ended up being the best day ever, even though it was really gloomy outside._

_I had a piece of toast and some hash browns for breakfast and X had waffles with lots of syrup. Then we stuffed as much food as we could into our pockets for later on so we wouldn't have to walk through the rain that was supposed to happen later on today. It was fun because X already has tons of food at his dorm but he still made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and put it in his pocket. Imagine! I was laughing so hard._

_We walked back to my dorm and I packed up a couple changes of clothes, my books, some homework, my journal, and my toothbrush and then we walked back to his dorm again and watched as the rain came in._

_It was really violent and X turned on the radio and we listened to the forecast all day because that's what you do when you want to feel like it's just you and your boyfriend getting all cozy while the weather goes mad outside._

_We did homework and ate pocket sandwiches and read together and laughed._

_Right now it's night time again and X is in bed with his chemistry book and he's smiling at me and I love him so much. He doesn't know what I'm writing and I think it's so funny. I'm going to kiss him tonight. In ten minutes, after I put this journal down and we brush our teeth and it'll be our first kiss and it's so funny because here they are, these words, this confession, and X is even asking me right now what I'm writing and he doesn't even know._

_Goodnight._

 

* * *

 

_You won't BELIEVE what happened to me last night._

_I had sex!_

_Right now it's Sunday morning and I'm starting to feel really guilty because all I can think about is how it's the Lord's day and how I haven't gone to church since they forced us to back at the orphanage and right now I'm thinking of Sunday school and the mean nuns that used to warn us about "earthly pleasures" and I never did understand exactly what I mean but I sure as hell do now._

_I think it's a bit unfair that what I did with X last night was a sin but that still doesn't stop me from thinking about how disappointed Mother Mary must be in me._

_I think we even did it after midnight which means technically it was Sunday which is like a double or even triple sin since we're boys. But I don't know how sinful something could be when you love someone as much as I love X._

_Right now X is sleeping and I'm staring at him and I just want to kiss him on his lips. He looks so sweet and gentle just like he was last night._

_After we brushed our teeth and got back inside X's room I kissed him just like I said I would. We were standing up and it was really sweet and nice and my stomach flipped and I loved it. I wish I hadn't had my first kiss with George because that didn't feel the same at all and I didn't feel hardly a thing._

_But with X I felt everything and it was really just perfect._

_Anyways he kissed me back and it wasn't a snog and it wasn't a little peck/ It was very earnest and romantic and he tasted just like I pictured he would._

_We were already dressed and ready for bed but after we crawled in and X turned the lights out, I didn't feel like going to sleep. I wanted to kiss him again and even snog and so I pulled him down and pressed our lips together again. Then it was weird because my heart started beating fast because we were laying down and all alone in X's bed and suddenly I wanted to be laying on top of him and not just next to him so I did and we snogged like that and it was great fun and we broke apart every now and then to giggle and say something sweet. X's eyes seemed big and bright even though it was dark in the room, and eventually as we were snogging again he rolled onto me._

_I guess it was me who started it._

_I didn't even really know what I was doing or if I'd be able to go through with it, but I started tugging at X's pyjamas. He seemed just as surprised as I was but he took them off anyways, and then I started taking mine off and pretty soon we were snogging naked and we were both a little nervous you could tell but we were smiling a lot and it was really fun and even funny. X began to kiss my neck all sweet and warm and I loved it and I moaned because I love it when people kiss my neck. I asked X if he knew what he was doing and he said not really but that the nurse left a condom in every room at the start of the year and he'd kept his and we should probably use it._

_I almost wanted to be the one to wear the condom but X was older and I was a little nervous so I told him he should do it and he asked if I was sure and I said yes._

_It actually hurt a lot more than I expected and we had to go really slow and make mistakes and we even had to stop at one point because we were laughing so hard. It was kind of hard to figure out because they don't tell you how to have sex with boys in sex ed._

_I really liked it, though._

_It was fun and funny and we were smiling and kissing and snogging and talking the whole time. You don't think that's what sex is gonna be like when you watch telly, but I liked it a lot better than what I see on telly. X, er, finished up first and he looked so pretty and it makes me almost get an erection just thinking about it. He was a little embarrassed because he wasn't really in for that long and I thought it was cute and then he helped me finish up and it was the best thing I'd ever felt and so much better than wanking in the shower._

_I think when X wakes up we're going to go to the drug store today and buy some more condoms because I want to try what X did last night. That, and lubricant, because we had to use lotion and it was a bit messy and really funny but it helped things not hurt as much. Maybe we'll go to church too._

 

* * *

_X and I went to the drugstore._

_He is so cute! He woke up and the first thing he did was grin really wide and then pull me into his arms. He tickled my belly and whispered in my ear. He said "I thought it was all a dream."_

_Just thinking about it makes me feel all warm_

  
_Apparently I was X's first, too, and we both really like having sex, we decided.  
_

_We got cleaned and dressed, showering in separate stalls in the boy's bathroom. In hindsight I wished I'd gone into his stall because we probably wouldn't have gotten caught anyways because it's Sunday morning and everyone is either at church or sleeping off a hangover._

_We went to the drugstore and it was a bit overwhelming buying condoms just because there were so many. We got the most normal looking ones we could find and the most normal looking lube, too._

_We went up together and I blushed so hard that I had to stare at the magazines the whole time. X thought it was hilarious but he kept the straightest face you ever saw. Even the cashier was blushing. Everyone but X. He started laughing so hard when we got into his car again, and he leaned over and kissed me._

_The rest of the day was pretty normal. We did our homework and we ate at the dining hall and read a lot. It was another rainy day. That's what we're doing right now. We're going to try having sex again tonight, I think. I'll let you know how it goes!_

 

 

* * *

_Wow. Tonight? Wow._

_After going to the store, X and I sat around and did homework and laughed and all. I thought we were going to wait until tonight to have sex but we didn't. It felt like we couldn't. I wish I could explain it to you, but words fail me! One minute we were sitting together and studying chemistry and the next X was explaining something to me and he just looked at me a certain way and I was getting all turned on because he's so good with chemistry and I love hearing him explain things. Then I looked at him and before I knew it I had him beneath me and we were scrambling for the supplied we'd picked up earlier today._

_It was my first time I'd ever been inside anyone else, and X's first time letting anyone else in._

_It was really special._

_And oh my dear fucking god, it felt so good._

_I don't like to be crass, but I can't get around it--X was so hot and tight and just completely, stunningly beautiful. He felt like nothing I'd ever experienced before, but he looked even better, if you can believe it!_

_Oh, I wish I could have taken a picture. A very dirty picture._

_He was beautiful, flushed from cheeks to chest. He was nervous and it was so cute and made me feel good because I knew what it was like and he didn't. I wanted to make it a lot more comfortable for him and I think I was able to. He told me he really enjoyed it._

_When I close my eyes I can just see him again; his forehead shining, chest quivering with shallow breaths. His eyelashes are huge and beautiful, and they were fluttering the whole time._

_Oh god, I want to see that again._

_I was so sweet with him and I didn't last that long but I managed to get him to go first and I'm very proud of that, at least._

_We'll get better at that bit, I'm sure. But for now, we don't last very long._

_I was probably in him for only five minutes. Maybe even less! But he liked it so much, you could just tell. He turned into someone else when I went in--he was so much softer, so much more clingy. It was adorable! For once, it felt like I was in charge, and it was my duty to treat him well._

_I think I treated him very well._

_Right now X is sleeping with his arms wrapped around my hips. My dad said I was a man when I left for school, but now I really feel like a man. It's hard to describe, but very satisfying._

_I love X so much. As soon as I pulled myself out of him, he moaned and wrapped his arms around me like a sweet little thing, and I took care of him and cleaned him up. God, I want to do that again. I like being the one who goes inside._

_Maybe we can fit something in before class tomorrow in the morning. Heehee! No pun intended :)_


	5. Conflict

_The next day was a really bad day._

_Mondays are always awful, but I don't think this one ever had a chance._

_This morning I went to class as I usually did, happy as can be. X and I didn't do it this morning, but we snogged until we were late so we both got Saturday detention, and if I get one more they're calling home._

_Secondly, it's raining._

_Thirdly, I saw George today. It happened after first period got out, and I was in the hallway. George approaches me, all serious and even concerned-like, and presses his hand to the lockers as I was getting into mine._

_"Hey," he says._

_It startled me, so naturally I jumped a bit, and turned to face him. He was almost caging me in._

_"Where the hell were you all weekend?" he asked. "I heard you left with X. I visited your dorm four bloody times this weekend and your roommate was the only one to answer every time." His eyes were uncharacteristically stern. I didn't like it._

_"It's none of your business," I told him. I was still a bit mad at him for his behaviour at the party._

_"None of my business?" he asked with a laugh. "What do you mean? I'm your boyfriend."_

_Uh oh._

_To be honest, I got really mad at that point. I've been trying to break up with George for days, now. This was getting ridiculous. It was this anger that helped give me the courage to finally do a thorough job of it._

_"No, we're not," I said. I glared at him and everything. I even pressed my fingers to his chest and pushed him away! "We're not dating anymore. I'm serious. It's over George."_

_"C'mon, Poor Boy, don't get all--"_

_"NO!" I finally shouted at him! I was so proud of myself. People stopped and stared, but I didn't even care! I grit my teeth, baring them at him like I was a bloody wolf._

_I was a man now, after all._

_"Leave me the fuck alone, George," I snapped. "You leave me the fuck alone or else I'll show you how a poor boy like me got into this bloody school."_

_In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best parting remarks. The threat of intellect is lost on those who have no grasp of it. But even an idiot like George will respond to tone, and he read my tone pretty clear. He let me walk away. I felt like it was victory._

_It didn't feel like victory later on that day, when blood and mud got in my eyes and all I could feel was a cleat kicking me repeatedly in the gut._

_You see, word got around fast that Poor Boy was no longer dating George, and there were even rumours that there was something between me and X._

_Of course, there was something I'd forgotten about breaking up with George._

_The protection that he offered was gone._

_I hadn't realized the true luxury of dating the richest and most powerful twelfth year in our school because I hadn't known anything else._

_It started out mild enough. Boys started leering at me in the halls. There was more shoving. I got called faggot all day long; enough to contest the long-reigning 'Poor Boy'._

_The real abuse didn't happen until after classes._

_It was an awful day. I was looking forward to going to X's room and crying alone, but I never made it._

_It was a very dark, cloudy day. It had been miraculously dry up until this point, and now it was starting to rain lightly. I began to hurry, because I really wanted to cry and I knew that this gentle rain would turn into a monsoon in a matter of minutes._

_I cut across the athletic fields because it's a quicker shot to X's dorm. I thought I might be able to see X too, because he has football practice on weekdays._

_Apparently X was still in the locker rooms._

_But the rugby team was out._

_Bastard Wesley, George, and the rest of nameless numbskulls were out on the fields. George, being captain, was currently putting his team through hell. He was really screaming at them, sending them through drills and such. They were turning the turf beneath them to mud already._

_When they saw me, though, they all seemed to pause._

_I picked up my pace a bit, walking alongside the edge of the field, out of their way. As I got near, however, they began to crowd in, jeering at me and calling me faggot again, hitting each other and laughing. George only stared on._

_"Hey, faggot." Bastard Wesley._

_"I see you've gone along with the crowd and adopted the new name in lieu of the old," I said dryly. "I expected nothing less of you. Or perhaps--nothing more."_

_"Huh?" he said. What an idiot._

_"You're an idiot," I said. I didn't see why I should hold it back._

_I think I see it now, though._

_I should have used a bigger word, I suppose. Bastard Wesley knows what idiot means because he's heard it all his life, and for a while he'd been just waiting for an opportunity like this. Poor Boy. Faggot. No rugby captain to protect him._

_The rest of the team went back to drills, pretending they didn't see me as Wesley began to wail on me. He tackled me into the mud, spilling my books everywhere. Rain began to fall harder and George began to scream at the team louder--perhaps in effort to drown out the sounds of me being beaten behind him._

_He turned and looked every now and then. We made eye contact once. It was embarrassing._

_The team was sweating, gasping, shouting in pain and agony as they exerted themselves. Meanwhile, I was silent as Wesley punched me in the eye, the jaw, the head. He avoided my nose, for some reason._

_My lip split. Shocks of pain ran through me as Wesley lifted and threw me into the ground. Eventually he got up and just started kicking me, his sharp cleats bruising me on contact. My eyes couldn't see through the blood. My head was on fire and my face felt like it was swelling everywhere. The pain was so much I began to feel dizzy._

_Merciful rain began to pour, and the team ran for cover, supposedly to the indoor gym to finish practice. Bastard Wesley spat on me before running off with them, chest heaving like the rest of them with the exertion of beating me half to death._

_I cried then._

_I left all my things and made for X's dorm, but I never really made it._

_I don't remember what happened, or how long I was out in the rain. But suddenly I felt strong arms scooping me up off the ground, and I knew it was X._

_He was in his football uniform, which I always thought looked so cute on him. He was so upset. He lifted me in his arms and it hurt so bad. I think I was still crying. He carried me back to his dorm._

_He laid me in his bed, right on top of the sheets, even though I was covered in mud and blood. He checked all my vitals, which is surprising because I didn't think he wanted to be a doctor or anything, and it was weird how well he did it. Like he'd done this before._

_He pulled out his first aid kit and began to clean me up slowly. He stripped my soaking, dirty clothes off and I was naked and cold. He patched me up well and before I knew it I was asleep in his bed._

_Right now it's Tuesday, and I just woke up. X left me a note, included._

 

 

> _Will,_
> 
> _Stay in bed today. You went through a lot yesterday and you need your rest. There's food in the usual place. Please drink lots of water. I've left out three bottles. They're all for you._
> 
> _If you experience significant pain, use the landline, okay? Call the nurse, or the main office, or even 999. Don't hesitate, please. You seemed okay last night, but I don't want you to take any chances._
> 
> _I'm skipping practice today and I'll be back right after classes. I'll get your homework._
> 
> _Love, X._

 

* * *

_I haven't written in a really long time._

_Well, it's really only been about four days. I've just been really tired._

_After X got back from class on Tuesday, he came into the dorm with the school nurse at his side. She confirmed my obvious condition that I was sick enough to take temporary leave. She then checked lots of things, set some pills down on X's nightstand, and left._

_After that, we had a long talk. He brushed his hand gently through my hair, but avoided a big gash in my head that he'd cleaned up himself. He told me his side of the story, how he was in the gymnasium when the rugby team came in all suspicious, and how George was glaring at X and Bastard Wesley looked way too satisfied with himself. He knew something was wrong so he went dashing out into the rain looking for me._

_He found me not far away from my books, now completely ruined in the downpour. I was apparently half-conscious in the mud, moaning in pain. I don't remember that._

_X says it was the worst thing he'd ever seen in his life. He said it looked really bad. He thought I was going to die when he first saw me!_

_X actually does want to be a doctor, which explains why he was so knowledgeable. He said I was so cold. He even started choking up as he told me about it._

_I don't have a concussion but my head got hit pretty hard and that's why I was only half-conscious when he found me. He said I still look cute even with my face all swollen up. I could barely see out of my left eye, it was swollen so much. He says I was lucky nothing is broken, but that I should try to stay still because my torso was bruised up pretty bad._

_I didn't need him to tell me that._

_I knew my body was bruised just by the way it feels. Jesus Christ, almighty. It's like I got hit by a train. I don't think I've ever felt pain so awful. One wrong move, and I can't breathe._

_Anyways, it's been four days and now I'm well enough to walk around a bit on my own. I haven't been out yet. I don't want Bastard Wesley to see my bruises and smirk that dumb smirk of his._

_That's the worst part about this whole thing. Wesley is one of the richer kids in this school and his father is a big donator. Since my parents can't afford to give a single cent over tuition, Wesley will go on with just a small slap on the wrist. He didn't even get detention._

_Obviously, X and I haven't had any more sex. I miss it, but I'm also a bit embarrassed about all these bruises._

_I'm feeling tired again. I'm going to sleep. Bye._


	6. Doctor

_It is officially Saturday morning and I am still officially feeling like shit._

_Though I suppose I can’t complain that much._

_X has been nothing less than a perfect gentleman to me this week. He brings me food, makes sure I’m warm and hydrated, and constantly checks up on me with medicine and antibacterial creams and antibiotic pills. A kind-hearted doctor in the making, and I know he’s going to be a great one. He’s there when I want him to be and gone when I need to be alone._

_He’s also been letting me use his room, which is really nice. No offense to my roommate or anything, but he’s a bit too much of a stranger._

_According to X, I’m the talk of the school. Some people think Wesley has beat me to death. Others say he just beat me up and sent me crying to another school. What a load of bullshit._

_It makes me really angry though because Wesley really did kick the crap out of me and sometimes I really don’t want to be at this bloody school and this past week I admit I have cried when I was certain no one was watching. Nothing feels worse than tears squeezing their way out of a tightly swollen eye. Nothing feels worse than being so close to everyone’s expectations of me._

_X has been hurt by all this, too, but in a different way._

_He doesn’t talk about it because he doesn’t think it’s “right” for him to talk about himself at a time like this. How could he complain and be sad when he has to be strong for me?_

_I’ve told him it’s fine, but he’s stubborn. He says we can talk about it when I’m feeling better. We haven’t had any more sex since Sunday, but he sleeps beside me every night, keeping me warm and making me feel safe._

_On Wednesday night I was feeling really glum, and as X was turning out the lights and climbing into bed with me, I started crying a little. He asked me what was wrong and I know X is really smart and he’s just being nice, but I thought that was a really stupid question because everything was wrong and I was just so depressed. I didn’t yell at him or anything though. I just cried and held him and tried to put the fact that I felt ashamed and disgusting inside into words but I couldn’t. So I just shut up._

_X held me and hushed me and said sweet things like “it’s okay, Will,” and that just made me cry harder because I just wanted to scream at him that I don’t have a bloody name. That I’m not Will I’m just Poor Boy the Faggot._

_Finally I managed to calm down and crying like that provided me with just enough relief to manage to fall silent and start to fall asleep. X was petting my back sweetly and as he did, I felt warm and my body was heavy and in a way the exhaustion I felt made me happy. Just as I was on the cusp of sleep, X pressed a delicate kiss to my forehead and whispered, “I love you, Will.”_

_It was simple, sweet, and clearly intended to fall upon sleeping ears._

_He didn’t expect me to slide my arms around him and say it back. “I love you, X.”_

_That was the first time I heard him laugh all week. A gentle, quiet, happy laugh._

_We fell asleep quickly after that, and I felt a little bit better there in X’s arms, faint smiles on both our faces._


	7. Grand Return

_Well, today was Monday._

_My eye isn’t swollen anymore, but it’s really bruised. My whole body is still bruised. I’ve got healing cuts and greening bruises all over my torso, but luckily most of it will be covered up. The only thing above my collar at this point is a black eye and a healing split lip._

_X tried to cheer me up about it, and it sort of worked. He told me that it’s my first day back, and people are going to be staring. But, he said, the important thing is to let them stare. To walk right by and never look at them, never even acknowledge them._

_"You’re better than them, Will," he promised me, his hands clasping at my shoulders. X really does have beautiful hands. Big and graceful and elegant, yet manly and tough. It almost seems a waste that he joined a sport like football where he doesn’t get to use them._

_Anyways._

_"Just act like you’re better than them," he said. "Because you are. You just don’t believe it, but you are. You’ve got so much more potential than all these shitheads combined. All they do is follow the man with the most money. That’s what everyone does. But not you, and not me. We’re a team. You gotta act like you’re the shit, because you are.”_

_"I don’t feel like the shit," I said._

_"Well you fucking are!!!" he said. I was surprised by how loud he was. It wasn’t scary, but it was surprising. He was frustrated, genuinely frustrated. He really did think I was the shit. It made me think, maybe I was the shit._

_"None of these pansies have ever gotten in more than a verbal scuffle over whose daddy has the most money," he explained. That made me snort. "These bruises are battle scars, Will. It’s life happening. A struggle that all the kids at this school will never know. Let people stare at them. Be scared by them. And if you act and feel as badass as you are, people will see it. And they’ll respect it, I guaran-fucking-tee it. You hear me?”_

_"Yes."_

_"Do you feel badass?"_

_I paused. “Yes,” I finally decided. I smiled. I did feel badass._

_We were quiet during the walk across campus, and the bell was just about to ring as we stepped into our building. X had a class down the hall to the left, and I was going upstairs and to the right. The entry hall was busy with students socializing by their lockers, but they all seemed to quiet down when we walked in. X stiffened a little bit beside me. I knew he was fighting his instinct to follow his own advice and not pay anyone any mind, but I was in the zone. I felt badass. I was used to people staring anyways, scoffing at me because I was Poor Boy and I didn’t fit in and I had old books. Now I had brand new books (courtesy of Mr and Mrs Wesley after their bastard son ruined mine) and a black eye, and people didn’t look at me like I was a bug anymore. They looked at me with fear._

_I liked it._

_X shifted from foot to foot. We walked down the staircase where we usually part, and I stopped to kiss X goodbye, but he hesitated._

_"Do you want me to walk you up to your class?"_

_"You never do that," I said._

_"I know."_

_"You don’t have to, X," I smiled. "That’s sweet. I’m fine, though. You were a great doctor all week and now I’m healed."_

_X paused, licking his lips. “Do you want me to kiss you?” he asked._

_"You always kiss me," I frowned. "I’m not going to stop kissing you because people are calling me a faggot, X." I almost felt mad. Hell fucking no. I was a badass. I had a sexy boyfriend that I have sex with, thank you very much. I wasn’t going to give that up to appease all these arseholes._

_I leaned in, pressing X back against the wall with (admittedly) a bit of force. I pressed my lips hard against his, parting them and opening his mouth with my tongue. The kiss was short but intense, and I had to break away with the most crooked smile I probably ever made because I was trying so hard not to laugh and lose the badass attitude but when I shoved X backward the crowd of students let out an audible gasp. Holy shit! I wanted to piss myself laughing._

_As I pulled away, X looked stunned. For a moment I was afraid I’d hurt him, but then he smiled wide at me in a certain way, and I knew that face very well._

_X was totally turned on._

_I grinned and winked at my gorgeous boyfriend, and turned without another word, leaving for my first class._

_News of my spectacularly gay and badass reappearance spread through the school like wildfire. A couple girls who had never taken notice of me before now seemed deeply interested in me. I don’t know if it was the badassery, the challenge to turn me straight, or the weird need for a gay best friend. Some girls seemed to want a friend, but others I could tell were really trying to turn me straight. I saw more intentional cleavage today than Bastard Wesley probably sees in a year.  
_

_Suddenly, I am very popular with the lasses._

_Sorry, ladies, this badass belongs to X._

_Weirdly enough, though, I liked all the attention. It made the rugby team jealous and even though breasts don’t do anything for me, I can appreciate a good set with a neutral sort of appreciation. I want to draw a woman, like the great artists do._

_I pretty much was in a great mood all day, acting and feeling badass. Even X was blushing around me at lunch! Everything went so smoothly, I think because everyone was just so stunned to see me back with all this newfound confidence, they aren’t sure what to make of it or how to treat me._

_By the end of the day, the rumours had changed. The way I’m acting, no way did Wesley beat the shit out of me. I actually went off campus and got into a bar fight. Another story is that I went back home to the streets to clear up a deal, and I ended up beating the hell out of a gang that tried to jump me. I thought that one was really hilarious because my dad is a school teacher and my mom is a newspaper editor and we live in the suburbs outside of London but all these kids seem to think that anything below a 250,000 pound family salary is under the poverty line._

_Still, X and I really got a kick out of all the stories that formed around me, and he was really happy to see me handling my first day back well._

_After classes X had to go straight to practice. They have their first game this Friday with a nearby school that’s just as rich and snooty as ours. He’s practicing hard and is letting me stay in his room which is nice because his room is a single so it’s pretty small and there’s not a lot of room for two people. I think I’m going to try to work out a deal with my roommate and offer to trade X’s single so that X can move in with me, and my roommate gets X’s old room. I think he’ll go for it because he seems like a quiet guy. It’d be great to actually live with X with more space and everything. We could push our beds side by side or maybe even X will shell out the cash and get a bigger bed for us to share or something! That’s kind of a big question, though, so I might wait a bit to ask him but he does love me so I don’t know._

_X got back late from practice tonight. He opened the door, drenched with sweat and rain and still in his muddy, grass-stained uniform._

_He knows I like the uniform._

_He stared at me with the most intense bedroom eyes I’d ever seen on him. It almost startled me as I looked up from my textbooks. He slammed the door behind him and leaned over the bed, kissing me hard. I shoved my books to the floor and pulled him up onto the bed._

_We had some very, very good sex._

_Right now I’m in X’s bed, totally exhausted but in a perfect way. X is already asleep beside me and it’s quiet except for the rain outside and the sheets smell like him and grass. I feel really badass still and I’m very happy and I hope tomorrow goes just as well._


End file.
